Have you ever heard the song that Bethal music does called it is well. It’s redone from the old hymn and if you haven’t heard it go listen and then come back. Ill wait.. for real go listen.

Sometimes I play Christian music in the car. I’m not really sure why but sometimes it’s comforting to listen to.
I was playing a playlist channel on Spotify and this song came on…I’ve heard it before and sang my best to try and sound good but not really sang it with my soul and felt the words. Today hit different. I sang it with my whole chest and hung on to the words like the mantra would save my life. I usually hate the redundancy of worship music saying the same thing like 8000 times but today I needed to cry it over and over until I believed it.

So now that you’ve listened to the song and understand how I came across it on my Playlist let me talk about how that song moved me and maybe it will you too.

Maybe you’ve sang that very song before and cried through it all… Through it all…. and not give much thought to what all it meant. I have. I sang it is well as a kid…and thought “hell yeah…it’s well. Life is good. People love me. People see me. God is here.” But what about when it doesn’t feel like anyone loves you. What about when life fu*king sucks. When you’re lonely, and broken, and sad. When you haven’t seen or heard God in so long you wonder if he’s even there…or if he cares. What about through addiction…what about through divorce…what about through loss. Can we sing that same line “through it all…through it ALL…my eyes are you.” My voice could barely form the words today. But I repeated it over and over until I felt the presence of the spirit wash over me. Yes. Through it all. He (my higher power) has still showed up. You see I couldn’t help some things that happened TO me in my life …and I’m sure you couldn’t either. But there have been times I chose things that were not good for me. No one held a gun to my head and said here drink this…smoke that…snort this…cut there. There were days when I ran so far and so fast away from My higher power and his plan for my life. I was broken and hurting…we all have reason we could try to use to justify our actions, but at the end of the day we were faced with a decision, and we did what we did. STILL…when we call out to God for help, he says…”oh good…are you fu*kng done running away?” Through all the shit that has happened TO us and all the shit WE done on our own…God is there. We just have to keep our eyes on Him.

That reminds me of my son. He just started walking and he is so proud of himself.  He doesn’t need me anymore to hold his arms when he wants to get around. He is Mr. Independent lol however sometimes he gets a little ballsy and decides he knows best for himself. He walks away and starts to climb something…then he gets to the ledge and panic starts to get it. His eyes get big and he turns to see where I am. He didn’t realize how far he had gotten and starts freaking out and raising his little hands up for me to come get it. When panic sets in and we can’t see our way out of something…we turn and realize how far we have gotten from God.

So maybe we realize God is still there. Maybe we can say ok through all the shit…I will keep my eyes on Him, but what about the next part? What about… “It is well with my soul” that one is fu*king rough. Like through all this devastation… heartbreak… stress…those words don’t even seem to do it justice. Through all the nights I prayed for morning to never come…through all the days I spent aimless wandering around getting nothing done because I was ridden with fear and anxiety… through all the hours spend trying to come up with ways to make money to put food in the pantry…through (insert yours here). Then to say through all that… it is well…it’s ok im here in all this. How can we come to that point.

You know I’ve been having a lot of car trouble these days, and it feels like as soon as I fix one thing…another issue comes up. I only have 1 car and reply on it to get me to work and safely transport my kid. It’s stressful to have car trouble and no back up…but I just so happen to work in a truck garage and know some guys. So when things go wrong and I’m telling my parents about it…I’m like it’s ok… I know a guy. It’s amazing how much comfort I get just from “knowing a guy”. It doesn’t change the fact that my car has gone to shit, I just know a guy who can fix it.

I think we come to have peace through it all and feel that it’s going to be ok because we “know a guy”. Let me introduce you to this guy I know. He’s not the same one I grew up with. I had this distorted view of him through the hurt I faced from people who said they represented him. It’s like meeting someone you heard was talking a lot of shit about you but come to find out that was all lies and they are actually pretty cool.
This guy I’ve recently gotten the chance to know personally…is pretty fu*king cool. He’s a comforter.  He’s a healer. He makes beautiful things out of trash. He loves madly…and deeply. He accepts people where they are. He listens to the dirty…the broken… and the poor. The ones who have fu*ked up…over and over and over again. The ones who hurt others…the ones no one wants around. I think if he were physically here would sit with you and me and smoke a cigarette in the parking lot after AA.

Im thankful today for a love like that. A love that gets me through it all. A love that is always there. A love whose will it is…for me to find joy and expirence happiness. He wants good things for us. He wants us to expirence Him . I trust him today in his will. In AA we always say “May you find him now”… so thats my prayer today …for me and for you. May we turn and find him…keeping our eyes on Him… knowing that through it all He is there… and it can be well with our souls.